Why Cinderella 2021 Is The Worst Movie You'll Ever See - Movie Review

Boring does not even begin to describe this movie.

As if the world needed yet another Cinderella remake. I really had hopes for this one to be different, but it disappointed me just as much as the others had. I was excited to see Ella portrayed as a businesswoman, and having some passion other than swooning for handsome princes, but apparently, I was wrong. It was also nice to see that she was friendly with her step-sisters because there was no reason for them to not get along. Their allegiances kept changing though, and by the end, I was not sure who was good or who was bad or if everyone was good or if everyone was bad, with the last option seeming most likely, considering the greedy and selfish Ella.

1. I was just not interested. Do you blame me? Our dear wonderful Prince Charming going on about his I-don't-fit-in-the-box or whatever complaints was possibly the dreariest part of this movie. We all already knew what he was about to say. If anybody was watching this movie, they have also watched this same scene a hundred times in a hundred different movies before (which were, again, not nearly as bad as this). And the stepmother talking about her piano-playing passion 😭 (I was going to write *insert crying emoji* but apparently I can just do that). Nobody. Cared. 

2. Sky-breaking cringe levels. The guy- Robin? Robert? Rowan? Whoever Prince Charming was supposed to be- had an uncanny ability to start singing at the most inappropriate times. His father, the King, is giving a speech to the public and what does the PC do? Burst into song! I mean, someone tell the poor fellow this is not the right time and place to showcase the majesty of your vocal cords. And with a drone like yours, this spectacle is better suited to the bathroom. Sing all you like when the shower is running, you- and now the whole kingdom- know you don't sound half as good without it.

At least Ella sang only when in private, or in the market where nobody cared. That didn't make it any less boring though. I shamelessly admit to having skipped through a lot of the songs. It was a musical indeed, but the songs didn't make much sense. They were randomly scattered throughout the movie to make it seem longer and to hide the fact that it lacked a plot. There was absolutely no need for Camila Cabello to twirl around the field singing a song as she ran, but it was passed off as being part of a musical.

The entire movie was like a strung-out music video. And I have nothing against music videos, but this movie was just not it. The songs weren't terrible, but after half the movie, they started repeating the same ones, and I had zero patience for that. The Million to One song had a good tune, but I had to listen to it too many times in that short amount of time.

Ella falling in love with the guy was just one song and one dance, and I know it's the same way in the fairy tale, but here it seemed faker somehow. The PC was infatuated with Ella ever since she sat on his grandfather's shoulder and grabbed his chin (it was a statue of him, I mean), but Ella only liked him because of his wealth and because he proposed after singing an oh-so-beautiful song. (No, don't tell me about how she liked him when he came dressed as a pirate because she didn't.)

3. wOrLd bUiLdInG. Their world was so poorly developed that I cannot even call it a world. It was just an old-fashioned town, whose rulers knew they were old-fashioned, yet they chose to remain old-fashioned, and about that, I have nothing to say. Was their village supposed to be situated in the modern world? I do not know. Probably not. But if it had been the normal Cinderella world, they wouldn't have considered themselves old-fashioned. I've said old-fashioned too many times already so on to the next paragraph. 

4. Miscellaneous stupid things. Princess Gwen was really annoying. What made it worse was that she was the only decent character in the whole movie. Apart from the mice. The mice were great. They got the fact that humans are very loud. Anyway, Gwen had no purpose in life except to bring up random ideas at the most inappropriate times (brother and sister truly appear to share blood, don't they? Or maybe they just shared a tutor who never taught them manners). The King and Queen really got on my nerves as well. I skipped his serenade, but if it was supposed to be rOmAnTiC, I can't- 

This was Gwen:

Also, am I the only one who thinks this dress is not good at all? Apart from the brooch, what else is there to it? Ella could've easily started her business if she'd begun by selling something else. 

Oh wait, but she hadn't made any other dress. 

She was a "tailor" with only one, trashy dress to her name. 

And her "glass" slippers were really worn and ugly and plastic-y. I refuse to believe anyone would make an old pair of shoes with magic. 

The stepmother and sisters weren't mean enough to be enjoyable, nor kind enough to be called caring. I thought they behaved decently enough towards Ella, but her whole I'm-an-oppressed-girl suggested she thought otherwise. They provided Cinderella with enough cloth, and let her do whatever she wanted in the basement. Admittedly, she was forced to cook and clean, but there were two long scenes of the step-sisters hanging clothes and only one in which Ella was doing any work. 

If I have managed to convince you to not watch this movie, I will consider my work here done. If not, I pity you and understand the pain you shall suffer while viewing this torture. I hope you manage to get through it unscathed. 

While not entirely as bad as A Royal Christmas Failure, this definitely deserves a top spot in my most hated movies. Thank you for reading my review, and I shall leave you with this image to ponder why and how this movie was ever released-

Heartless by Marissa Meyer - Book Review (No spoilers)

"Long before she was the terror of Wonderland—the infamous Queen of Hearts—she was just a girl who wanted to fall in love.

Catherine may be one of the most desired girls in Wonderland, and a favorite of the unmarried King of Hearts, but her interests lie elsewhere. A talented baker, all she wants is to open a shop with her best friend. But according to her mother, such a goal is unthinkable for the young woman who could be the next queen.

Then Cath meets Jest, the handsome and mysterious court joker. For the first time, she feels the pull of true attraction. At the risk of offending the king and infuriating her parents, she and Jest enter into an intense, secret courtship. Cath is determined to define her own destiny and fall in love on her terms. But in a land thriving with magic, madness, and monsters, fate has other plans."

Have I been avoiding writing this review? Yes.
But has waiting made it any better? No.

If anything, it has made my thoughts about this book murkier and murkier, so I think today is finally the day that I write this review. I'm still going back and forth between 2 stars and 4, so make of this messy, conflicted review what you will.

This book had everything I enjoy in stories-
1. Fantasy
2. Forbidden love
3. Stand-alone
4. It was long
5. Palace backdrop

However, for me, this book didn't work out because of these very reasons.

1. It was supposed to be a fantasy- Alice in Wonderland had been written as a fairy tale, and all the characters in it appealed to children. But when this author gave personalities to them and made them fall in love with each other, it didn't make much sense. The age rating of Heartless is 12 to 17, but most of the characters and place names were really childish. For example, there was a "High Warthog, the Duke of Tuscany". Perhaps if I had come across this character in a fairy tale, I would have found it witty, but I could not appreciate it here. It also took me a few pages to realise that he was actually a warthog because I found a pig crushing on a human girl unfathomable.

2. The forbidden love... didn't feel forbidden?- I'll admit that this book has everything that one would expect from this troupe. The parents didn't agree to the match, there were instances of sneaking off in the night and smuggling in handwritten letters to the girl. But most of this happened when Cath and the Joker were just getting to know each other and had barely acknowledged it as love. Cath spent most of her day with Jest, and barely any time with the King. I would have liked to see some more angst and daydreaming, or perhaps the two of them getting caught in the act and making up a lame excuse for their actions.

3. It was too long and slow- The first half of the book was one of the most boring things I've read in a while. I was this (and I mean THIS) close to giving up on it, on more than one occasion. It didn't help that I read it in bits and pieces because that only made it stretch out more. Only the good reviews I had read made me want to continue, and the ending did get better, so I don't regret it.

I would have liked if the interesting parts of the story were introduced more in the beginning, to keeps the readers engaged. A lot of it felt repetitive, with Cath attending parties, and the Jabberwock interrupting every time something was about to happen.

4. The length didn't work out in its favour- Everything about Jest's past made the story really interesting. However, all that came after 200 or so pages, and by the time I got drawn into the plot, the book got over. We knew the ending of the story from reading the blurb, but reading about how it came to be was interesting. The climax was very dramatic, and I enjoyed reading it. But I cannot forget the slow beginning which had me in tears of boredom.

5. Hardly any palace backdrop- This might be my fault for assuming a story about the King of Hearts would involve more politics and royalty. It was filled with noble animals, sure, but barely any descriptions of wealth and luxury. The only place in Cath's house we were introduced to was her room, and that did not sound too grand.

I'm not sure how many of the things have been taken from Lewis Carroll's world, and how many have been made up by the author. Some of the animals and creatures were difficult to visualize, especially as someone who hasn't read Alice in Wonderland too much in depth. I couldn't understand how big the turtle was supposed to be, as sometimes he was said to be small, at other times not small enough to be carried. There was also a trumpetfish playing the flute and various insects smoking hookahs, whose random presence in the story was not required.

Also, some of the writing didn't make sense to me-

"His dimples stretched down either side of his face."

"But it's just... she's the jammiest bit of jam, isn't she? So very clever. And righteous. And so very, very..." He swooned. "Pink"

(and this is a pig talking about a girl, yeah)

Characters- This is one aspect I really liked about this book. The characters were well developed and their banter was fun to read. I enjoyed all the riddles and jokes as well. Cath had a constant personality throughout and towards the end, she started feeling more mature. I found her slightly rude and pretentious at the start, but all that began to feel like a part of her character arc. Jest was really funny, and I loved all his dialogues. Hatta was an enjoyable character to read about as well.

I apologise if this review didn't make much sense. I have decided to give this book 3 stars because of the slow beginning. I really loved the ending though, and am looking forward to reading more of the author's books.